Why and Why do you ask

Why? Why do you ask?

Why do we ask why? Why does anyone ask why? Why can it be annoying on the one hand or constructive on the other?

There are two main motives for the question “Why?”. We ask why because we want to find out more. It is natural and we hear children asking why, repeatedly, because they are inquisitive. While it can be irritating we think that it is good that they want to increase their knowledge, so that they understand the world better. We might even be happy because they appear to trust us to give a valid answer. Happiness is trust. Happiness is a child who asks why.

But the second reason for asking why is more complicated. It can be deeply frustrating and even annoying. The person asking why is testing us. They might be inquisitive but the inquisition is a trial. They do not believe us. They are not convinced. They want to trip us up on some point of logic. They have not been happy with the information we have given them, and want – or demand – more.

We are not happy with this. Our views have been questioned. Our arguments have not been persuasive. We are negotiating and having to justify our opinions. We need evidence and that evidence had better be good, evidence that our inquisitor will believe.

Hackles raised, this can lead to argument. And we know that arguments are unhealthy while discussion and debate, with cool heads, is healthy.

We must always be prepared for negotiation and answers to the question “Why?” Before answering it is best to understand the person’s reasons for asking. Be sure of their motives. Be patient, the same as a parent should be in a parent-child relationship. Be careful not to patronise. Keep a cool head. Remember that answering the question “Why?” should be constructive. It is a good question. Ask it, and answer it, with care.